This week will surely go down in New England History. Not even one week after the Boston Bruins celebrated their Championship victory with a million enthusiastic fans at the Stanley Cup Parade; the Master Splinter Rat King Whitey Bulger himself gets nabbed in Cali. This is monumental news; not just for New England or Southie residents, or the families of his victims, but for the entire country. The Feds report that Bulger has been residing in the same Santa Monica condo for the past 15 years shacked up with his corpse-like mistress, paying the rent in cash. The FBI claims that their recent aggressive search campaign run on cable news networks coupled with national “wanted” bulletins resulted in the apprehension of James “Whitey” Bulger at his Santa Monica condo on Wednesday evening. This of course leaves us with one burning question still unanswered: Why didn’t they take this approach 16 years ago?! Geraldo would have been all over this…I can picture it now as it would have been: Geraldo Rivera Live on Fox News, ripping open one of Whitey’s old mattresses looking for Jimmy Hoffa.
2011 is shaping up to be the Year of the Sheriff as all of the bad guys on the FBI hit list are getting cuffed or shot in the face. Such a shame that George “Charles Bronson” Bush doesn’t even get to take any of the credit. Poor bastard was all geared up, spurs spinnin’, gunning for glory and who did he get, the Shoe Bomber? I bet Whitey was caught wandering aimlessly around the Witness Protection Program facility looking for his marbles…and by marbles, I mean testicles. This guy has a known thirst for cocktails…and by cocktails, I mean cock. I hope he gets locked up in a women’s prison. His main squeeze Catherine Greig looks like Ivan Drago after he stopped taking steroids. This old pervert probably did the surgery himself. The only thing that would surprise me at this point would be if President Obama held a press conference on National TV and pulled his mask off to reveal that he was really Clayton Bigsby.
So here’s to you Whitey Bulger a.k.a “Mouth Boston”, “King of The Rats”, “Sultan of Snitches”. Welcome back to the good ol’ neighborhood…this one’s for you:
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