Not even one week after the Boston Bruins celebrated their Championship victory with a million enthusiastic fans at the Stanley Cup Parade; the Master Splinter Rat King Whitey Bulger himself gets nabbed in Cali. This was monumental news,not just for New England or Southie residents, or the families of his victims, but for the entire country. The Feds report that Bulger had been residing in the same Santa Monica condo for the past 15 years shacked up with his corpse-like mistress, paying the rent in cash. The FBI claimed that their aggressive search campaign run on cable news networks coupled with national “wanted” bulletins had resulted in the apprehension of James “Whitey” Bulger at his Santa Monica condo. This leaves us with one burning question still unanswered: Why didn’t they take this approach 16 years ago?! Geraldo would have been all over this…I can picture it now as it would have been: Geraldo Rivera Live on Fox News, ripping open one of Whitey’s old mattresses looking for Jimmy Hoffa.
I bet Whitey was caught wandering aimlessly around the Witness Protection Program facility looking for his marbles…and by marbles, I mean testicles. This guy has a known thirst for cocktails…and by cocktails, I mean cock. I hope he gets locked up in a women’s prison. His main squeeze Catherine Greig looks like Ivan Drago after he stopped taking steroids. This old pervert probably did the surgery himself. The only thing that would surprise me at this point would be if President Obama held a press conference on National TV and pulled his mask off to reveal that he was really Clayton Bigsby.
So here’s to you Whitey Bulger a.k.a “Mouth Boston”, “King of The Rats”, “Sultan of Snitches”. Welcome back to the good ol’ neighborhood…this one’s for you:
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